I need an advice, he asked, without directing his questions to either one of us.What kind he replied , relationship ,he affirmed . With eyes turning cold like that of a Russian filled with steams of vodka and about to take his last shot, he seemed lost in this new fantasy of being in love or say lust

( as I will later discover)for this new hot chick that moved In next door. “It’s simple” the to-be teacher started, “just go straight for the kiss”. I nearly fell off my almost broken chair, at the sound of that offensive plan, it didn’t seem proper from my African point of view but that didn’t seem to be the rule here. “Just grab her and kiss her”..he continued , “there’s no point going for all those dates , they are just a waste of time” As amazed as I was with mouth open in awe of this amazing plan that was going to work for this newbie, In the business of relationship, I managed to add ” why not tell her how you feel and perhaps build something with the 2 days you have, before she leaves” He brushed me off like I just spoke Spanish ,”so what happens after the kiss” he enquired from his master teacher “well, after you have made out, you can invite her over for a drink”. He felt relieved , and proceeded to dress up for the super attack plan that even the lakers would have thought twice before carrying out. He walked back into the house an hour later with shouts of victory like the Spartans at the fall of king xerxes . The amazing plan worked , and then ,he replied my two hour old statement ….”dude , you are so old man, you kept discouraging me, Dan, is the real guy, he knows how to play the game”.. I hid my head in my shell like a tortoise whose daughter got impregnated by a fox. He shared some shots of whiskey to celebrate his success and I would have participated if only I wasn’t a monk.

   A few hours later………”Dan,……. Dan….c’mon out. ” he shouted , and the amazing teacher stepped out in glory to begin the next offensive plan to win this do or die game. …at this point , I gained interest , if this magic “go for the kiss trick” worked , it surely will end my weeks of loneliness in the hell hole. “Now”, he began, tomorrow , “you have to bring her to your dorm room and give her a lil drink” I picked my pen and a note pad to jot these tricks down, ” when she gets tipsy” he continued, “you have to start from a kiss and roll down to her breast and after 3 minutes ,you’d have to move down to her skirt and and slip your fingers, once you get to the middle , you must rub your hands against the pelvic bone while holding firm the upper lip of her vagina”. At this point I stopped writing , my mouth was wide open , staring at this “sudden medical student” and his teacher . I had spent 5 years in medical school and never have I seen such a detailed explanation of the female part with regards to sex . The 30 minutes long tutorial came to a stop and I must confess I learned a lot . He got up ready for his main event.the sun rose rather too fast for this lad ,as the day for his next offensive attack came . I missed the start of the game but I got in half time and waited till the end . “Fuck, Fuck,….Shit…Shit…..Fuck” those words aired our balcony as he drowned in depression, apparently the new attack plan failed . The opponent got away with a win and he couldn’t put the ball. He approached me and asked ” what can I do?”